sooo

we are all feeling a little better today. i had a stomachbug of the worst kind with cramps that make you wanna die. it was so painful, i cried. i had a fever and couldn't even rest. viana had a milder version of it. no fever and no cramps but she would vomit all over everything so i had to do tons of laundry. she just threw up an entire feeding again....more laundry but at least today i have more energy to take care of my children. anjali has a cold so thats not that bad....ugh gotta go


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blessed with you

it has been a month and it went by soooo quickly. i think my awesome coffeegang has something to do with it. we meet several times a week, to let our children play together, to vent about how unfair the army can be, to talk about how we deal with our husbands gone, or how we do not deal with anything at all. we tell jokes, gossip about the blonde neighbour who thinks she is paris hilton herself...ha ha. its always such a pleasure to have my friends around. time goes by sooo fast. and when they leave its already dinnertime and another day is almost over. i love it!

i met so many new ladies over the past weeks too. i meet them online, in the street or at frg meetings. i just love to recruit more women for our coffeegang.

today we are invited for dinner at petras house. i am excited. something to do!!!other than that there isn't much going on this weekend. i think i will go for a walk later...

oh i lost another 2 pounds, yaaaaaaaaaayyyyy. it's working....woooohooo..

ok, i got to go now, the kids need to take a bath!!!!

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love

i am typing and typing, trying to find the right words. i just wanted to write a loveletter. i cant find the right words. there are memories though. remember when you would come by the alterations everyday to see me? remember our first kiss? remember when i made you propose twice because i thought you were drunk? ha ha. i remember the day you came home from iraq. how we cried ourselves to sleep that night. it was all so overwhelming. we couldnt believe that it was finally over. remember how i was late for our wedding?? ha ha. and how 21 days later i told you we were going to be parents. i remember. we are so blessed. i am so thankful for what we have. remember how we had to drive through the desert to get to irwin. wasnt that such a scary drive??? we thought we were lost. we didnt have any money then. remember the pontiac?? our ghettoride. ha ha. with the walmart A/C in it. but we made it and a couple of months later we had anjali. remember when you first held her? what it felt like. she is so perfect. so beautiful and smart. so amazing. what a blessing. i remember how she said dada first, after me teaching her mama all day...how proud you were. remember her first steps? on her chunky legs. boy was she chubby. remember when we landed in frankfurt only to find out our orders had gotten changed? so upsetting but we had each other and in the end that was all we ever needed. and again we were pregnant. how you looked at me with tears in your eyes telling me how much you loved me. we just had viana. so tiny and perfect. i will never forget. one of my greatest memories. i could think of a million more memories that i share with you! i guess what i am trying to say is, thank you for being in my life, i wouldnt ever want it any other way! you do make my day even when you're gone. i look at our children and i know we will be ok. we will have each other back, so soon and our love is only growing stronger!!!

i love you very much!!!!!

calm

i had a wonderful day with old and new friends and my babies. just a very relaxing afternoon. i am calm and relaxed, waiting for chris to come online. where are you my love. he really is my love. when you think the world is coming to an end and there is only one person to pull you out of it. chris is that person to me. my rock. the person i can always count on. the person i trust with my biggest fears. i share the most wonderful memories with him. the births of our children. i love thinking about all those memories over and over again. i smile. my heart is smiling too. i wish i could find the words to really express how i feel... the things we laugh about, ha ha. somewhere over the rainbow...........

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the quiet after the storm

tamara came over friday to go out with me. yes it really happened!! norina watched the kids and i was very comfortable leaving her in charge. she said they never woke up which lets me know, i can do this again. not for a loooooooong time though. we went to an irish pub, where i enjoyed a kilkenny. sooo yummy! we then went to a spanish bar. that was nice but i got so tired, i am just not used to staying up that late or maybe i am just getting old. plus, i guess, dancing by myself wasn't all that great either. i came home at 1.30am. not so bad but i felt like shit the next day. i was so tired but of course when you really, really want your kids to nap....they won't. i still had so much to do for saras babyshower too so i was running around all day getting stuff for today until finally seven o'clock rolled around and i could put the angels to sleep. i slept from eight to eight.

So today i woke up with a fever but a couple of tylenols later i was as good as new. a friend and i decorated the house and prepared the calories.. it was a nice shower. we all had great conversations, many laughs and sara got plenty of very nice gifts. we played silly games too. i had a great time. when everybody left, i prepared dinner for anjali and then put the babies in bed and cleaned the house.
i am tired. the fever never came back so that's good. all i wish for now, is to talk to chris. the house is so qiet all of a sudden. i miss you, honey.
Aaahhh i shouldn't get into it though. i have been doing very well. three weeks today. i will be ok. thinking about RnR keeps me going. the light at the end of the tunnel.ha ha. i will see him again. i just don't know if i can do florida. travelling with my children seems like a crazy idea, at least right now. but we still have ways to go anyway....

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snowwwwstorm

the past couple of days were more or less hectic, the ususal, i guess. i had to deal with more army buraucracy which, in the end, will hopefully result in us getting the ok to stay here in germany. for that ok, we had to see the doctor and i was told my asthma has gotten soooo bad i have to see a specialist ASAP and change my meds. well sorry guy but there is a snowstorm out there and i won't come back until next week, so there. i know, i can't take care of my children if i don't take care of myself...bla bla bla. yougottalovearmydoctors (very dramatic). i have had asthma since i was three. i will live another week without seeing that doctor. and no worries, dear reader, i will go and take care of myself, just not this week. the roads are really bad. that's why i kept anjali at home today too, plus she has a bit of a cold. unfortunately i still had to get groceries and that was a very unpleasent trip. luckily sara offered to watch the kids and i gladly accepted. the roads bad, its snowing like crazy and i couldn't see sh%$!! But i had to go. we were out of everything. i am glad i went this afternoon because the roads are even worse now.

i spent the rest of the day organizing my kitchen, putting groceries away and playing with my babies. i talked to chris earlier too. he is happy. he tells me about all the stuff he does at the gym and i can't help but feel jealous. he sits in 80 degree weather, has several cooks at his service and he can go to the gym everyday!!!! not so bad. mh...but then again, he can't hug the babies or me, he can't sleep in his own bed, he is in a warzone and... mh... but other than that, not so bad. ha ha ha ha

my poor baby. i am very glad he is doing so well. he seems comfortable and that makes me very happy. good night christopher and remember, we are looking at the SAME moon.

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i am alive

as you can see, i didn't shoot myself last night. eventually my babies went to sleep but i laid there awake for hours. unless i talk to chris, i will probably do the same tonight. i think he is ok but i haven't heard from him since noon yesterday. that irritates me very much. i have no patience for my children, i only listen to half of what people say to me...i am just not functioning right. i really hope he comes online tonight. i think this is what makes deployments so freaking hard to deal with. it feels like life is playing mindgames with me. GO ON, CHECK THE COMPUTER AGAIN....COME ON YOU DON'T WANT TO MISS A MESSAGE...and i don't. i walk in here a million times a day...what if he left a message...but he hasn't.
this morning i did't go to the gym as planned. i had to make an appointment for viana to get another set of shots. so i go to tricare and they tell me they need all different kinds of paperwork. i spent hours at deers.....yay.yougottalovethearmy.

but i have to say i ate according to ww yet another day and feel very confident that on sunday the scale will be vey friendly with me. today i also sent out messages to all the girlfriends i have in the area ( not soo many) to let them know that i have a babysitter for friday and i need a date!!!! They all have children and jealous husbands, lets hope i still get lucky. it would really suck if i had to go out by myself. picture myself sitting at a bar with a drink, telling my sorry story to drunk old men....

yaaaaaaaaaaaaay as i am writing this and talking to carol ( what a treat, my old friend) chris sends me a message, he will be online in 15 minutes!!! yaaaaaaaaaay

so off i go, oh yeah i still get pretty for my love, even if he can only see me on screen:) make up and hair done on top and sweats on the bottom ha ha ha.

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